So, as you know by now, I’m non-voluntarily a member of the lonely hearts frequent flyer club. That’s a lame opening, but I had to tie it in with the title somehow. Being single in your 30s, it’s kinda liberating but lonely. That’s probably the best way I would describe it. And why am I writing about this? I am guessing it was brought on by Valentine’s day. The 31st one in my life and the 31st one as a single person. So in honour of that, here are some tips for all you losers who are not single (for once just let me just call you people with a stable love life losers, okay?) when you deal with your friends who are single in their 30s.
Tip #1: Don’t tell them they’ll meet “the one” at <insert upcoming event here>. It doesn’t work that way, and lot of us don’t do things hoping the meet the love of our lives. We just do things cause we want to do them. And don’t be so shocked when we do things alone that you normally wouldn’t. There are some perks of being single and an introvert. We don’t really need to wait for you to pencil us between brunch with your husband’s 3rd cousin and your 2 year old’s bed time 4 months in the future to go see a movie.
Tip #2: Do not provide helpful advice on how to meet people. Seriously just don’t. You, who have been in relationships since you were 20 and not been single for any period longer than like 6 months, do not have a clue. Trust me. For the love of God (or whatever you hold sacred if you’re an Atheist), do not ask/tell them any variation of “You need to get on dating apps/Have you tried apps?”. When people say that to me, the 2 things I want to say are: 1 – Have you tried any? (especially the married ones); 2 – I am nearly 32 years old and been single forever, do you really think I haven’t been on one? I’d like to try and name me an app I haven’t been on.
I have more tips, but i’m going to stop with 2 tips for now. Mostly because I don’t think anyone reads blogs anymore. I’m a bit behind the times. I don’t tweet, and I find Snapchat/Instagram stories/Facebook My Day, extremely annoying and narcissistic. Don’t get me wrong I do like Instagram, though, cause to me it’s like a scrapbook of my experiences. The other crap though, here’s the thing, if you’re not a celebrity, NOBODY FUCKING CARES about your damn mini “stories/videos/posts”. Social media platforms need to stop investing in finding ways for everyday nobodies to spam the masses. With that said, Will Smith is winning at Instagram even though he’s new to it, if you don’t already follow him, you should.