Love, just another social construct?

I don’t mean like the emotions/feelings of affection or concern for your parents, friends and stuff. I mean in the romantic relationship sense. I guess the question should be in finding/seeking/searching for love just a social construct. I mean its the old nature versus nurture debate I guess. Think about it, what if we lived in a world where movies, tv, books, songs  and other media don’t over-emphasize dating/romance? You may argue that as human we are “social creatures”. But honestly can’t we meet our social needs with just friends and family? Is finding “the one” or dating or even getting married supposed to be as big a part of life as today’s culture makes it seem? Is it human nature or is it what we have been led to believe as nature after generations of conditioning? So basically what I am asking is, can I blame the rest of the world/society for making me feel like I am missing out, for not being in a long term relationship or happily married as someone in my late twenties? I have currently decided that my future is headed in the direction of me, in a little apartment, with 2 dogs (at least one of which will be a doberman). I do get occasionally reminded (mostly by the people around me) that I need to find someone to “settle down” with. Why? Why the obsession with me meeting someone? Can’t I just live life the way it is now by myself? Sure it gets very lonely sometimes but it’s nothing new, I am used to it.  If I meet someone then great, if not, just don’t make me feel like a loser.

Oh and for the record, I don’t believe in “the one”. I think people just make a conscious choice whether to make things work or not. All this falling in love instantly and all is bullshit. Might be a little cynical but hey no surprises there right?

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16 thoughts on “Love, just another social construct?

  1. great article. just heard this thought yesterday- it might interest you- “the person you are today is as transient as all the people you’ve ever been.” in other words we always think we’ll be the person we are today, but we always change. Just look back in your life, and you always change. be who you are today!!! with complete joy and appreciation, I totally agree with you- live “the direction of YOU'”, whatever comes along comes along and if you guys match, then enjoy it each day- because that too will change- not bad or better- just everything constantly changes….

    have a great one, and screw what society wants or thinks or portrays – it doesn’t seem to be working too well for them does it- when you really look at it- don’t be fooled!! stick to YOU! :) mikey

  2. I think my future is headed in the same direction, too – except I want a corgi. :)

    I agree with what you have said. Almost everything in society seems to imply that if we don’t end up with someone, we’re “missing” something. But I like your attitude. If we single ladies end up meeting someone then great, but if not, that doesn’t mean we can’t create our own happiness either.

    • Yes exactly, we can be happy without a huge focus on the dating/finding love part. Unfortunately society doesn’t seem to think so. Thanks for commenting :)

  3. Yep, the media is to blame for our obsession with romance and relationships. But marriage was something that was always determined to be the end result in Western society. You grew up and got married. If not, something was “wrong” with you. Now we know that’s not true, but people still ask me why don’t I want to get married…it’s more so an issue with women than men, hence double standard. Luckily no one makes me feel like a loser. I do think socializing can be filled with family and friends, but as some of my inner circle have started shacking up, and therefore are not available to hang out on those nights when loneliness kicks in. So it’s always good to find hobbies and social clubs so you can have stuff to do when friends are busy. Or work yourself to the bone, and go home ready to sleep like I do..lol.

    • I don’t think it just western society, it’s also an end result in Asian societies. In fact it may actually be a little worse here. And I have that problem too, most of my friends are not single anymore hence an increasing number of lonely nights at home but thankfully I don’t mind staying in.

      • Right, but loneliness and alone are two different things. Loneliness comes from within, and no relationship can cure that.That’s something you need to work on yourself. While one can be alone, but yet not feel lonely. Maybe you feel “bored” but hopefully not lonely.

  4. Hmmm…you mean it’s possible to be happy and fulfilled without a man in your life?? I don’t know that sounds far fetched to me :P (j/k) There is a definite downside to being single and almost 40(me not you lol). I think there is a reason in generations past marriage took place at a young age. At 16, 18, even 21, we are able to overlook things that at 28, 30 & 35 are deal breakers. “OMG, you want to major in Renaissance Poetry, how awesome!” turns into “OMG, you have a Masters Degree and make $15 an hour as the Manager at McDonalds?”

    However, allow my 38 year old self give you some advice that I wish someone had given to me at 25 or 28. Forgive me if none of this applies to you :) Plan your future like you are going to be alone FOREVER. Save money NOW, create an Emergency fund of 3 months(6 is better) of living expenses that you don’t touch unless it’s an actual EMERGENCY(and that doesn’t mean new clothes or a vacation, that means the engine of your car blew up or your apartment flooded etc). Do buy a basic life insurance policy NOW while you are still young and relatively healthy and can get it cheap. Don’t allow yourself to be a hermit, the urge will come(unless you are a complete extrovert). While you don’t need people now, you will in the future. Don’t wait to do “romantic” things. Travel alone, it really is ok. If you have dreamed about walking the bridges of Paris do it! The two prissy girls at table across from you probably are talking about how glad they are that they aren’t alone like you, you should be saying the same thing about them. Don’t give up on the idea that love is out there, just be content to wait until you turn the right corner and find it…just don’t miss all the cool stuff on the current “block” as it were :)

    I truly regret that I spent the better part of 2 decades of my life in stasis, just on hold, waiting for Prince Charming Enough to come along and take me on all the adventures I thought I didn’t deserve to take as a single woman. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m against a romantic, long term relationship. I’m just saying live life now while you can and make the best life you possibly make for yourself.

    • Thanks for the advice! My bank account is a bit empty at the moment with my recent stint overseas for my Masters but I have some investment/insurance plans that I can tap on if I ever get into a really bad financial situation. I am totally happy to travel alone, I just don’t have the money to travel at the moment.

      The hermit part I will probably need to work on. And that’s a phrase I haven’t heard before, Prince Charming Enough. I might use it in the future :p

  5. I’m in a relationship so I can’t exactly relate but I definitely know what you mean. People should be able to live life the way they want to. You have so much more to experience in life and you know what, it’s probably a good think that a relationship isn’t the top priority. As long as you’re happy people should stay out of other people’s business!

  6. Yes, just yes. It’s really hard isn’t it? And I’ve thought a lot about this just lately (do my achievements count if I have no one to share them with? etc) and I said to my mum ‘oh I’ve turned out so wrong!’ and she looked at me and said ‘what? You don’t take drugs, you’re kind and compassionate-a good person, what went wrong? Nothing’ made me realise that the only part of my life that is ‘wrong’ is the romantic side…….and it’s also the only part of our lives we all feel the same pressure over, gay, straight or bisexual (even asexual) to find someone and feel somewhat like failures if we don’t. Why? Who made that rule? F*ck them.
    Vanessa

    • I know right? I think if the world wasn’t fixated on this concept of “love” those of us who are single may not feel as lonely as we do sometimes. Oh well.

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