Being single

Anyone who semi-regularly reads my blog (or has seen the about me page) would know that I have a self-diagnosed condition I like to call involuntary chronic singleness. I mean, I pretty much started this blog because I had run out of single friends and I just needed at outlet for life’s frustrations (as evidenced by my very first blog post). I have also recently started to try and be more positive in terms of my attitude. I have hence started paying attention to those online articles on why it is great to be single. You know, keeping in line with the whole positive thing. Unfortunately despite my best efforts to remain upbeat, these articles tend to leave me a little depressed. Following are the general themes of these articles and why I find them depressing:

You can do what you like/aren’t answerable to anyone.

What I have realised is that most of these articles are authored by people living in “the West”. Mostly Americans (i.e. from an individualist culture/society) and so people from my part of the world (collectivist cultures) this doesn’t really apply. I live with my parents. It’s the culture here to live with your parents. You only move out if you are married or living overseas. If you move out for any reason aside from those, there’s something wrong with you. Hence you can’t really do what you like, when you like it. For example, if I am going out, I am usually asked, where, with who, for how long, etc.

You can better concentrate on your career.

Yeah….not sure the whole career thing is going according to plan for me, I can’t get a decent job and the one I am currently in, I don’t think has much room for growth. I will probably be blogging about it in near future (this weekend maybe).

You have more time to spend with your friends.

Now I definitely have more time to spend with friends. The problem herein lies with the friends part (Did I use the word herein correctly? Can someone with a better command of English please tell me?). Most of my friends a married/in relationships or just have different priorities than to hang out with me these days. Maybe I need new friends.

You are able to spend more time “finding” yourself/doing soul searching.

I am an introvert. I have spent so much time in my own head and doing soul searching that I don’t think I can “find” anymore of myself.

I have to admit there are some articles that aren’t so bad. Here’s one by Huffinton Post and another by Forbes.

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19 thoughts on “Being single

  1. Could not agree more with your point about more freedom, especially the part about living with your parents. Your “roaring 20s” ain’t going to be “roaring” if you live with your parents.

  2. ” I have spent so much time in my own head and doing soul searching that I don’t think I can “find” anymore of myself.”
    Exactly. I’m sick of myself, haha!

  3. I’m an only child so I’m so used to being alone to think about my thoughts that it’s almost comical. I know myself very well. :)
    But I, too, like being single — sometimes. The independence is nice. :)
    And totally random…I just noticed that we have the same first name! <3

  4. So, so true! Also those being positive about single articles always have the whole ‘until you’re not single anymore!’ vibes, like ‘enjoy it while you can!’…..where are the positive about life alone articles? Yeah not so many of those. And more to the point people who are happily single have usually been in a long term relationship before the whole single bit…..so they do enjoy it! For a little while until they aren’t single again. What about those of us who have never had a long term relationship and have throughly enjoyed being single and would now very much like to see the other side?
    Um. Rant over ;)

    • That’s a good point, I didn’t think of that. Most of these articles are written by people who have been single for about 5 mins. Not the “really single” people like us.

  5. They all also forget about how you can’t focus on your career and whatnot when everyone immediately looks down on you when they find out you’re single.
    “You’re single? LOL I can see why” or “You’re single? *insert judgy face*” these really kill self esteem and confidence. It’s like being single is an entirely bad thing and people think something is fundamentally wrong with you- which is wrong in itself.
    Sorry, rant over.

    • Yeah the silent judgement can be annoying but I think i’am used to it :p. Won’t let the being single (or not) affect my career though :p

  6. Ah, I agree. I felt the need to research articles on how to remain positive while even the raunchiest of friends become involved with others… but I digress! I’ve never been in a relationship before so I don’t know what to expect and the articles and movies and songs just make me feel extremely behind…

    • Yes I know right, I have a friend that just went through a dramatic breakup and he’s seeing someone new already. And songs too, it’s just hard to find good non-love songs which gets a bit frustrating after a while.

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      • Ohh, I knew someone from Spain and they have a similar view on how long you live with your parents. That it is totally normal to live with your parents until you get married or need to leave the country.

        I’m from the US, and I can tell you, I’m realllly not a fun of our individualistic society at all, haha. I think we humans function best when we have lots of support, we aren’t meant to be so individualistic. I think it’s a big reason why we loathe being single so much. It’s just sort of hard-wired into us.. But of course, we can be completely happy being single. IF we have that support system (Friends, family, etc)

        That’s just how I feel. There’s a lot about American culture I don’t like, and some things I do like, but the emphasis on being soo individualistic annoys me.

      • Well I am more familiar with the collectivist culture so it’s hard to be objective. The grass is always greener right? :p I do feel both collectivist and individualist societies have their good points. If only there was a way to balance both.

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