Hopeless romantic

Of late, one more person had taken a really keen interest (is there such a phrase? keen interest?) on my marital status or singleness if you can call it that. And no unfortunately it’s not a tall, dark guy trying to change my current status. It’s my sister’s mother-in-law. I don’t know her very well to be honest but having met her on a few occasions when she was in Canberra visiting my brother-in-law and nephew, she seems to have, well, taken a liking to me. Who knew that not talking much and just hanging around the kitchen while everyone else was in the living room would have been liked, let alone noticed. It’s sort of flattering I guess but seriously? Do I really need one more person telling me or someone I know about prospective grooms or “mappillai”s for me? For anyone not familiar with indian arranged marriages let me give you a brief run down. It’s pretty simple. Basically there are a few key contacts (usually of my parent’s generation, i.e. baby boomers) that everyone calls to inform if they know of a guy or a girl looking to get married. These contacts then, through their personal grapevine send the information out and to also find out about possible matches. I guess after that it kind of becomes like a blind date. Only there’s added pressure because both your families/parents know of this “match” and expect that you will just hit off and end up marrying that person. Unfortunately for me though, my mom is one of these contacts. And being her 27 year old daughter that’s not in a relationship is not great. She even emotionally blackmails me blatantly by saying, “I have gotten so many couples together but for my daughter I can’t seem to do anything <insert dramatic sigh>”.

So far I have these are my prospects that have been brought to the table:

  • A 31 year old, Malaysian government worker (guy from my sister’s mother-in-law)
  • A 32 year old lecturer
  • A I don’t how old guy that’s my dad’s colleague’s son
  • Another  I don’t know how old engineer that been looking for a girl since my sister got married in 2009

And that’s pretty much all the information I have to go on. Here’s the conversation I had with my father about his colleague’s son.

Dad: They are looking for a ponnu (bride) for an OM’s (operations manager) son. How? Should I tell them you are interested?

Me: What does he do?

Dad: He’s some sort of high-flyer.

Me: What sort of high-flyer?

Dad: I don’t know he’s got a PhD or something.

Me (rolling my eyes mentally but still wanting to humour my dad): Does he own a green shirt?

My dad had a laugh and said, that he would need to check and that was it, end of conversation. With that information I had to make a decision if I was”interested”. I mean come on, if you want me to marry this guy you got to give me a little bit more than that. Honestly I have nothing against arranged marriages, I am just not sure it’s for me. I blame fairy tales and Hollywood for this. For some stubborn reason, even though I am highly introverted and don’t have too exciting a social life, I still feel that I will meet some on my own terms and get to know him and the full works. Blind-dates or arranged marriages just don’t seem too romantic to me. I have always been a little bit of a hopeless romantic. Kind of like the Ted character on How I Met Your Mother. I have been told he’s a pretty pathetic character but I don’t know, I kind of see his point. Just I am not as socially active as him. On the other hand I thought of something else today. I think of myself as a hopeless romantic but given that I have not really been a proper relationship like ever, the romance component I can’t really assess, can I? So I guess that just leaves me with hopeless. Hmm…

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14 thoughts on “Hopeless romantic

  1. I know EXACTLY how you feel. My parents and “friends” of the family are always up in my business about when I’m getting married or if I’m seeing someone interesting. The pressure is definitely on if they’re insisting you meet certain people that they feel would be a good match for you. I had family friends that got into connections and wanting me to meet their son or a distant cousin or whatnot but given the topic, it’s quite uncomfortable. It’s more of a blind date as you say and not really an arranged marriage but it can certainly feel like one when all you hear are only their specs and great “qualities.”

    But you never know about these things. Who knows? Maybe you could meet your Prince Charming this way. Never give up hope on being a hopeless romantic. As I say, be a hopeful romantic! Good Luck! :)

    • Hopeful romantic, sounds much better. I am glad that there someone out there that gets it. And yes, never thought I would say this but I am kind of changing my mind, maybe this is how I’ll meet my prince charming as you put it. I still have a lot of reservations about it.

  2. Wow I’m not sure I could handle that pressure…….if anyone questions my single-ness I erupt into a spiky silence, y’know like a porcupine. Basically keep poking and you’ll really regret it…
    But I guess it shows you have a good nature :)

    • Haha I just try and make a joke or change the topic. Usually that works. So I don’t really have to deal with too much confrontation on the topic.

  3. Hi Anita, I often find it is not how you meet someone that matters so much, but what happens after you meet someone, no matter through which platform or venue. So to be open to however you meet someone is the best. However, I understand that some ways of meeting someone can be a put off to you for whatever reasons be it through family, online dating or single’s ad. I think we all have been also influenced by what ‘love’ or romance would come e.g meeting someone in the cold turkey department at the supermarket or in the library but often those happen in movies. Many years ago I braved myself to strike up a conversation with a guy at the library, two actually, and both just gave me the stares. Yeah, it didn’t really happen for me like in the movie does, where both hit it off, have fun and end up in love. Ha ha. :) Just a little story there.

  4. Hey Anita, I think, at 33, my family has mostly given up on trying to find someone for me. Sometimes, I wish they would! So, just to play “devil’s advocate” here, it’s nice to know your parents want you to find someone. That THEY are still hopeful, even when you don’t always feel that way. And who knows, one of those random guys could be just what you didn’t know you were looking for! You never know how the man of your dreams will come into your life, so don’t discount any opportunity. :)

  5. Being a romantic is great. We could use more romantics in the world. One of my college friends finally caved in to her family and went through an arranged marriage. She’s been happily married for 5 years now even though she initially thought she’d rather run away and join the circus than have to marry someone she didn’t know. So this might be the way you meet your Prince Charming? :)

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