One sleepless night, a few nights ago, not sure why, but I was thinking about my answer to a question that many single people are often asked. I am pretty sure most of us hate the question and if you are like me you just try and give a really diplomatic answer and change the topic because you don’t the conversation to become a deep evaluation of why you are (by implication – a pathetic loser who is) chronically single. No it’s not the “why are you still single question”, though that one is probably worse. It’s the “what do you look for in someone” or any variation of that question. I know that most people do actually have a “list” of qualities that they would want but I don’t really. And why do they need to know the answer to that question? If say I took out a list and gave it to them are they going to make it their life mission to scour the planet and find a guy that fits the bill? Even though I don’t have a long answer to that question, I have been told by a friend that I am picky, but I seriously don’t think I am. That same friend who thinks he’s a relationship guru as he’s been in A LOT of them (not sure that’s sound reasoning but I have never called him out on it) has also decided recently that I cannot answer the question because I am not in “that place” where I am ready to be in a committed relationship. Can someone please tell me who died and named him the expert of my (non-existent) love life? I don’t see why people skip the more obvious and probably more logical that I just haven’t met someone yet.
Anyway I realise that my answer which is normally someone that’s patient, open-minded and preferably a non-smoker, needs to be changed. I have one more thing to add to that really long list that apparently makes me picky. I can’t fully explain it here but will try. I need someone who knows what success/happiness means to him and is trying to achieve it. Or at the very least he should be at the stage where he is actively figuring that out as it’s not a really easy thing to know for sure. In other words, the gist of it is someone more focused on holistic goals not just financial ones, unless that’s what he measures success by. Basically someone who knows what they are doing and why they are doing it. Now I know that after 27 years with just 3 things on the list and having nothing to show for it, it’s not very smart to add a 4th thing that decreases your potential pool. But I don’t really care at this point. I’m just glad to finally have a better answer to a question I hate answering. After years of hearing my vague answer to that question, I am not sure if that question will come up again in conversations, but (never thought I would say this) I hope it does.
Not very related but for some reason contemplating my chronic singleness reminds me of a quote I heard in a movie once: “I am not an expert on love, I am an expert on the lack of love, Delysia, and that is a fate from which I wish more fervently to save you” – Guinevere Pettigrew, Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day. The sentence in the movie made me kind of realise why single people can sometimes give good relationship advice and hence why non-single people like pouring out they problems to us. If you are not single though, please refer to my earlier post (Quotation). While we may seem to have good advice, we may not really want to hear about your relationship issues, so please do keep that in mind the next time you meet up with someone who’s single.