I am kind of losing motivation. Not for blogging, basically for life in general. I don’t have much other outlets so I think the crazy blog posts are going to continue.
I spent a lot of money yesterday. My bank balance doesn’t look good. On the plus side, I have bought my winter jacket for my Europe trip. I think I am going to look like a walking pillow in that down jacket but it’s okay. Better poofy, wrapped up and warm then freezing but fashionable. I also thought of getting the a black jacket cause it’s a safer colour but eventually, after a couple of opinions got a navy blue one. So the body/torso part is covered, now I need to figure out feet, legs and my head.
I also spent 200 bucks on vouchers for friends that had/are having babies. Gets more expensive to maintain friends as you get older doesn’t it? Especially when you are single. Previously it was just birthday presents (for the friend). Slowly it becomes weddings, then baby showers, then their kids birthdays, housewarmings, etc. When your birthday comes round, they have so much going on, you are lucky if they even remember on the right day. Like my friend’s baby function (not a shower it’s the Indian version), I attended this morning. She never remembers my birthday. Why do I even bother?
And because I am not done spending money, I have planned to trip to Bangkok in September. We will probably book tickets tomorrow. It’s still 2 months away, but, yay! I wanted to go in August but I couldn’t find anyone to go with. I think I am the only Singaporean left that hasn’t been to Bangkok. Well me and the friend I am going with. It’s going to be a short (3 days) trip. I am a bit worried to travel with this friend because the last time I did, I couldn’t decided whether to kill her or kill myself. But that was 5 years ago so I am hoping things have changed. She’s a very sheltered person, who’s always had things done/organised for her so the last time it felt like I had a child with me. Anyway this time it’s Bangkok, just a city, so it shouldn’t be too bad. I am looking forward to the break. Been a while since I took a trip or flew anywhere. Thinking of tom yum already.
I finally know what love at first sight is all about. Okay fine, I will tone down the drama. Well remember this post? I have decided I feel differently about ending the relationship with my current laptop early after I saw the Asus Zenbook UX305. It’s light and absolutely stunning. It’s even thinner than, brace yourselves Apple lovers, a Macook Air. If you google it, it actually looks bigger and bulkier in pictures than is actually is (like the picture below). I want one. Unfortunately I can’t justify dishing out a thousand bucks for one, especially since my current one has no issues. Oh well, maybe some money will fall out of the sky and I will get to buy one.
Speaking of Apple, while don’t buy into the whole idea of it (yes it is more of a concept than anything else), I have to say their branding/marketing is amazing. The ads for the Apple watch are pretty impressive. Makes you pay attention to the product despite the fact that other smartphone makers have had smart watches for years. I have to admit it would be pretty cool to work in their branding team. Might be a bit tough though, since I refuse to use any of their products. :p
There are quite a number of people I realise who are popular characters in my office who are always looked at as the life of party and people person. These also I realise let the door slam in your face, or don’t smile back or return a good morning. Yet they are so incredibly loved. What’s wrong this picture?
The weekend has been brilliant, however I am faced with a disastrous situation now (subjective). The catch on my laptop battery is wonky. I am scared to touch it, in case it breaks. I could use this an an excuse to get a new one, but I love my Asus Ultrabook too much. I have even created my own pretty pink wallpaper for it and everything. And it works fine. It will get annoying to use without the battery though. And why is it so hard to buy a new battery? I am going to call Asus tomorrow. Please wish me luck, I am not ready to end my relationship with my current laptop yet.
Funny how I always thought if I ever had to do proper soul searching I had to go climb a mountain, get away from it all and stuff. Today I had work, things were going wrong left, right and centre but it was a clam day. There was a lot of reflection and introspection on my part. Felt like an emotional/mental/spiritual detox of sorts. And now I feel good and renewed. Feels like some of the weight of the world has lifted off my shoulders. Don’t ask what happened though, can’t put my finger on it, but it was good.
Sometimes all you can do is strive to be a being a good human being and citizen of the world. At the end of the day if you receive things in return, great, if not, well tough luck, but at least you gave it a go.
Because I heard yet another conversation about this on the bus today and can’t seem to shake it off, here’s my 2-cents worth:
Dear everyone who has a problem with that fact that the female lead in Jurassic World spent the whole time running away from dinosaurs in heels,
Really? Yes I know it’s know heels aren’t the most comfortable thing in the world to run in, but there are women who pretty much live in them. Likely a minority but they do exist. I personally know a few. And seriously, if you were running for your life, I don’t think a pair of regular pumps would slow you down, would they? Besides it’s fiction/entertainment. The movie was based on dinosaurs coming back to life after 65 million years of extinction. Let me repeat, live dino-freaking-saurs. And the most unrealistic part was a woman running in heels? Come on.
The universe works in mysterious way. I was on the way back from lunch, in a colleague’s car. Everyone was having a conversation in Mandarin which I didn’t understand so I did what I usually do, stare out the window and contemplate life. Work stress has been manifesting itself as in headaches, it’s not fun. I sat in the car thinking I just need to get away from everything for a while. Maybe book myself into a retreat in Hua Hin for a few days. No work, no stress, no technology, just me and time. And that’s when song on the radio changed. I don’t think it’s a very frequently played song on radio nowadays. It’s a 15 year old song. Walking away by Craig David. For some reason that made me smile. It was like a joke from the universe but also a nod that a higher power out there feels me.
The nice guys (or girls) finish last phrase really is true isn’t it? I had a crappy, freaking day at work. Like I can cry thinking about it, kind of crappy. And on the way home thinking about my current work situation, I got a bit upset. I realise that there is politics even among my own teammates. That’s what kind of sucks, because I am a team player. When I give it my all, I really give it everything I have got. When I go on leave, I make sure that there’s nothing pending for my colleagues to follow up. I clear everything outstanding. My colleagues though, just give me a list of things to do while they are away without thinking twice. And for some reason I feel like it’s my duty to ensure everything on that list is cleared before they come back. I need to be more like them.
They like to have discussions in Mandarin, laugh, joke, gossip and when I ask what’s going on(especially if i hear my name), I get dismissed, and told it’s nothing. When I speak to a fellow colleague from another team in Tamil, suddenly the whole world wants to know what we’re talking about. On Monday when one of my teammates, the newest guy in my team, was told that his workload is going to get even more challenging, and looked really stressed, I took him aside and talked to him. Told him not to stress out or worry, we’re all a team, we’re in this together and promised him that I will not let him drown in work alone. I do keep promises I make. But today I realised, no one would do the same for me. Why do I even bother?
I should change my ways, care less and concentrate on my own job/tasks more. I shouldn’t worry about my team. Unfortunately I know that won’t happen. It’s just not me to do that. I need to remind myself that ultimately the goal in life (or mine anyway) is to be a good human being and not get caught up in office politics or nonsense. Easier said then done. At least I will chalk up cosmic karma points right?