Thought Flood – 6 Feb 2016

Netflix: So worth the investment. Discovering series I love and I have barely scratched the surface. Derek was awesome. And now I am addicted to Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

Babies and children: I just spent the night with children from 0 to 4 years old at a housewarming. Had to bring my 2 year old nephew as well cause my sister needed help babysitting at the last minute. I thought I would be ending my night saying I wanted to get the tubes tied but it actually went well. Nic listened to me and behaved (I think he’s a bit scared of me) and the 6 kids (all boys by the way) were fun to hang out with. Well I was rolling/running around in their play area with them while most of the other adults were sipping their drinks and looking at me like I was a crazy person. But jokes on them, I was having fun discussing dinosaurs and Lightning McQueen. Some of the most riveting conversations I had. Maybe I won’t suck as a parent. But I think I am like down to my last egg so that ship’s probably sailed.

Hugs: Could really use one or two now. I bully the nephew into giving me some. And I have the parents. But sometimes being single gets lonely. And loneliness, no matter how much you get used to it, can suck sometimes.

Feeling blobby

I wonder if anyone else experiences blob. To me it’s a feeling when you sit and take stock of life and realise everyone around you looks good, is in happy relationships, making waves in their career and don’t eat their feelings. And then there you are, in a job where is benefits are great but is so boring you are afraid there might be a day you doze off in the office, no love life or social life for that matter and horribly overweight but still stuffing your face with cake. Blob. You are (in this case, I am) just a fat ugly blob in existence.

My life now is broken into timelines, for now I am telling myself I have to make it to the upcoming Chinese New Year long weekend. After that to my Cambodia trip. But after that? It’s a bit sad to live life like this but I don’t know what else to do. Just taking it day by day.

Daily show dreams

I am watching the daily show and Trevor Noah is really good looking. And smart and funny. I want a Trevor Noah in my life. Actually no, I want someone that’s a blend of Trevor Noah, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Hugh Jackman, Twitch, Shemar Moore, Mathew Grey Gubler, Idris Elba, Chris Pratt, and quite a few more I am sure I am forgetting.

Yup, that’s what I want cause I am a blend of the most beautiful women in the world and just perfect. Hahahahahaha, I crack myself up sometimes. Okay that’s it done. Bye.

Closed chapters

A conversation I had today reminded me of all the things that I decided to give up on in the last few years. Like big stuff. Here’s the list, I have given up on:

Thought Flood – 28 Jan 2016

Work: I have never felt the Chinese-ism of the workplace more. They speaking in Chinese and justify it by saying their English isn’t good. What kind of company hires people that can’t speak English well and can primarily speak only Chinese? If the tables were turned and I could only speak Tamil properly, I wouldn’t stand a chance. The concept of privilege or subtle racism, can’t think of a better example. And it’s not like we are based in China. This is Singapore where the first language is English. And my Tamil isn’t fantastic but I can speak it pretty decently. My Tamil is much better than the English of the bloody woman today who took like 20 mins to tell me that 5 items identified for a re-labelling job were missing. And no, I am not that bad with names, all of you are small, Chinese with straight black hair, I just can’t tell you cheenas apart. Argh.

Social life: Update – I don’t need one. I did the math, with Netflix I think I am sorted till I am about 45 (at least) for a social life. I am loving the series Derek. Discusses real issues and contains dry/sarcastic humour (and makes me feel like crying too sometimes). My cousin and my mom have said they feel that 2016 is the year I get into a relationship, well they were right. Me and Netflix will live happily ever after. Well as long as there is an internet connection at least.

Weekend: I got to do a few things this weekend. 1 go for a walk/jog. 2 bake. That’s the plan for now. Let’s hope it all goes according to plan.

Babies: Spent time with the new nephew today, he was born on the 4th this month. I think I like babies from 0-1 years old. They are cute. Of course this might be my ovaries speaking. Tick Tock.

Thought Flood – 26 Jan 2016

Time of year: It’s that time of year again. Chinese New Year (CNY) is upon us, queue the ching ching chang music and annoying lion dances everywhere. Oh and the pain inducing Chinese CNY songs. What makes it worse this year is that the stupid Valentine’s stuff has started too. 29th Valentine alone. But maybe I shouldn’t concede yet, there are still a few weeks, I might have a valentine. Yeah right. Who needs one anyway now that I have Netflix. :D

Exes that turn to BFFs: I was thinking about a friend of mine and how she, her husband and her family maintain a close relationship with the ex and his wife. I don’t get that. I understand being amicable after breaking up, but best friends, no. You give someone your all and then some, if it ends, it can’t be because of something trivial. Maintaining a casual friendship or “acquaintance-ship” okay, not best friends. I don’t get how she does it. Maybe because I haven’t been in that situation? I don’t know.

There’s more going on in the head but shall stop now. Need sleep.

Netflix & clean

I spent the whole day today cleaning and sorting stuff out. Felt oddly therapeutic. Maybe since I can’t sort out my life, sorting out things around me makes me feel better? Maybe I am just an emotional/mental wreck? Who knows? I feel like my brain/heart needs a breather.

But anyway, after all that cleaning, I signed up for Netflix. I have already saved some movies to watch. And I can’t decide which series to start with first, Narcos or Making a Murder. Anyway thanks to Netflix i finally watched How to Train your Dragon. I cried watching that, that’s how much of a mess I am now.

But I have Netflix. I might get some wine tomorrow to accompany that, and I’ll be okay.

External inspiration

image

Seem to be needing boosts and reminders of inspiration/motivation. Digging deep, what I have been doing, and then I feel this giant hole forming. Sighs.

It’s okay I have red lipstick on and Beyonce playing in my headphones. Feel like I can take on the world but need to remember that I just have to work on myself first.

Dating Travel Bucketlist

Saw this list on pinterest. Really awesome stuff. Now if I can only find someone to do it with. Sighs. Well and the money. And time.

Well a few clarifications here, I won’t do 34 and 39. Those animals are subjected to inhumane conditions.

And I won’t do 16, because well no. I’ll stay in the boat though while my whoever dives. I’d rather stay on land, I get very motion sick. I am on the fence about 49. 52, I probably won’t get seasick (I will probably skip the seasick part and just die), but no, just no.

Can’t do the dating but I can at least do the travelling part. Lonely but doable. Oh well.

Me day

I haven’t had one of those (“me days”) in a while. You know the recharge time you need as an introvert? Haven’t had many quiet nights after work either. Tonight was supposed to be one.

But alas, it’s not meant to be. My sister needs help running errands. A lot of them. Hopefully I can still make my 10pm bedtime goal. Have yet to do it this year.

I know I should have just said no to my sister, be when she’s just given birth and is running on less than 4 hours of sleep, of which less than an hour of it was continuous, it’s hard to say no.

I need another holiday. Preferably a solo one.