We all have bad days, that’s normal. Today was one for me. I had a high tea planned with my mom and my sister. Food turned out to be not great and my sister was in a grumpy mood. My mom didn’t like the spread at all. Sometimes you try and do a nice thing and crap just explodes on your face.
I also left the house with my new skirt and feeling all pretty and high tea-ish. That got shot down by the sister saying the skirt was too flowy and looks too big. I liked the flowy-ness, I have not owned anything like that before. And it looks big because well I am big. Not like the aim of the game is to be a size 16 but look like a size 8.
Anyway after my “failed” day, I decided to stop by the library. My place of zen. Had a haircut scheduled, figured I would get a book to help me pass the 90 mins or so my hair would take. I went to the library. Calm took over. Not sure if it’s the quiet or the effect of being surrounded by books (which is why I am still not totally sold on e-readers). I even managed to find the book I was looking for. Happy. And then I went to borrow it. I didn’t have my card with me. It’s with my sister. I forgot to check. Sighs.
The way my day is going, who knows, maybe my hair will accidentally get half shaved off.
No breaks were caught today. There’s always tomorrow.
I don’t understand why people don’t do anything for a person when they are alive but are insistent on conducting rites/rituals the “proper” way once they are dead. Yup I am talking to the extended family in relation to my Grandma’s funeral. Well not all my extended family is like that. My dad’s older sister’s family are fine. They are normal.
Now the younger sister is a whole different story. Her and her daughters barely did anything for grandma when she was a live, but now they all seem to have something to say with how things are done with the Hindu ceremonies. It doesn’t make any fucking sense to me. Hence I am attributing it to limited mental capacities. They never did well in school anyway.
Really? It is a big deal that you organise late night prayers and take leave for that? Really? How many of you dumb-asses took leave when she needed to go for hospital appointments? Staying up to do late night ceremonies? What about having to bring her to her room and get her to sleep when she wandered around the house late at night confused?
But then I got respite from my anger frustration when I overheard my cousin talking to my mom asking what my grandmother’s favourite things are. When I heard that, at first I was even more annoyed. Like how can you not know those things and act like you were so close to her? And then, like a reminder from God, a calm spread over me. Why am I getting so worked up? It became evident to me that they didn’t even know this woman. They are just doing things brainlessly. I have as much luck rationalising with them as I have a with a grape.
I think they are motivated by guilt, a negative emotion, in doing what they are doing now. Negative emotion coupled with the lack of intelligence, the result is will definitely not be good. I was content when I realised that. I just don’t like that things aren’t being done from a place of love. That’s why I am getting so upset. I shouldn’t though, I should take pity. Those poor people probably have guilt eating them up inside.
And I have decided, I will not engage with anyone (especially fellow grandchild of my grandmother) with regards to funeral prayers and get upset, if they:
Don’t know what Avva’s favourite stuff are (food, fruits, colours, pastimes)
Cannot repeat her old WWII stories, stories of her working as a nanny/maid in a British house
Are unaware of her theory/story of mushrooms
Want to perform a religious/traditional ritual but don’t know the reason behind it
Let’s wait and see how my mood is next week and whether I end up calling anyone out on being a dumbass. It’s going to be interesting.
To say that this past week was eventful would be quite an understatement. And I haven’t even been at work at all this past week. Here’s a summary:
Deepavali – Lots of good food and I got to bake for it which made me happy. My cookies turned out a bit softer than usual. I also made a strawberry cake, it didn’t turn out exactly how I envisioned. I think the strawberry flavouring I added was too strong. But on the bright side it was pink! I also found an orange cupcake recipe that is easy and was so yummy. You know your cupcakes are a hit when someone messages to ask you for the recipe. It’s ridiculously easy and not from a box.
Cirque du Soleil – I went for their show here “Totem”. By the name you would have guessed it had a Native American theme. While the show was very entertaining I am not sure about the way it was done. Commercialising a culture in a way I am sure isn’t accurate didn’t sit well with me or my friend I was there with. Now that is a prime example of cultural appropriation. Speaking of which, if your argument for cultural appropriation includes Taylor Swift wearing a Kimono, I think you don’t get the point, just do us all a favour and shut up. Yup I am talking to you younger millennials/Gen Y.
Catch up with the cousin – We discussed Europe and while that is exciting, I have a big thing that is not so exciting, packing. I hate packing. Seriously. You guys have no idea. Plus I am trying really hard to pack light this trip but by nature I am someone who likes to have all my bases covered so it’s going to be interesting.
Endings – So, my grandmother died Sunday night. The running around for the funeral and stuff has left me beat. Work only gave me 2 days off. All my other cousins, that didn’t move their asses or do anything much for the funeral (or when she was alive) get 5 days. I am a little annoyed with that. I feel like the universe has failed me. I really need 1 more day tomorrow to recuperate (I have fallen sick too) but nope, I have to go into work. Also the extra day would have helped, cause with the craziness of this this past 2 days, I am not sure I got enough time to manage my feelings/emotions about what has happened. It’s funny how you think you are all mentally & emotionally prepared for something like this and then when it happens, you realise it still sucks. I will probably blog more about this soon. Was going to tonight, but time got the better of me.
Baking: It makes me happy, I should do it more often. I wonder if I could really set up my one business. I have this breakfast bar idea. Even have a trained batista who I know will be happy to go into business with me. Hmmmm.
Job Opportunity: Last week I applied for a job at Airbnb that I was totally qualified and suited for. My skills set, education, background were a total match within 24 hours of sending it out though, I got rejected. I must have gotten rejected by a computerised screening, didn’t even make it to a human. I was depressed because the position was perfect.
And then on Friday, my ex boss’s boss, told me about a job opportunity. It’s one that will drive me further into the niche market of lifescience/medical logistics. Wasn’t sure if it was for me but couldn’t pass up the opportunity either. I’ve sent in my application and now I am not sure if I have done the right thing. So lost and confused.
Tech Love: I am loving my new phone. Sony Xperia Z5 compact. The software is great and I like the small size.
Lonely: I am pretty content with my social life. Well I don’t have a social life but I have come to terms with that. Some nights though the loneliness just gets you. Sometimes you can’t help but wonder what is so wrong with you that you haven’t met anyone? Guess I am going to have to deal with it.
Travel: I am already planning my trip to Cambodia next year. Haven’t even done Europe yet and I am dreaming of Cambodia. Getting a little ahead of myself I think. But oh well, something to look forward to after Europe. If any has any travel tips, please let me know.
I got really fed up with one of my new coworkers today. Not that new, she joined the team 2 months ago. And she joined the company ages ago. She’s supposed to come around and learn stuff from the rest of us before starting her weekend duty this week. Her duty has already been pushed back 3 weeks because she was slow in coming round/learning. So the plan was for her to sit with me last Tuesday (27 Oct) so that she can be briefed and start practicing stuff. I reminded her last week on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday to make time. Then I gave up. This morning I reminded her that she only has 2 days to practice if she sits down with me today. Most of us had to shadow our other teammates for 2 weeks before barely getting up to speed. She has done about 2 days.
Anyway so at 4.45pm (I end work at 6) this happened:
Me: Char, it’s nearly the end of the day, you haven’t come over to discuss exception handling, I’ll need at least an hour since we have no more time to space it out over a few days.
Her (extremely loud and animated, like it was the end of the world): I got a damaged cold shipment!
To be fair to her here, it is quite a bad thing if a temperature sensitive shipment gets damaged.
Me: Is this first time you are dealing with a damage or temperature excursion?
Me: Where’s the shipment now?
Her: It’s been delivered
Me: Have you informed the customer of the damage?
Me: Did they make a fuss?
Me: Have you opened an investigation?
Me: Is there anything else you can do for this shipment at this stage?
Me: So why not instead of getting grumbling about that over and over again, we sit down to discuss what we were supposed to last week? You need to learn to move on and focus on what needs to be done instead of wasting time and energy on something that you can’t change.
She didn’t look happy. She said she need a short break and will come to me. She took a 20 min smoke break.
On hindsight I feel that I may have been a bit harsh. Was I? But then I think at that point she had repeated the damaged shipment incident to about 5 people so exaggeratedly (would have wasted an hour), I was annoyed. Eye on the prize people, eye on the prize. Why waste time on distractions when you’re already struggling with time management issues? It just doesn’t make sense to me.
Well it’s early morning of 2 Nov. A sleepless night so thought I would do this as usual.
Wedding Invitations: I thought the whole world was married by now. But no, periodically my parents get a wedding invitation and they get reminded of how they have me. Single old me. I don’t understand why they feel that I have to be married in order to have a decent life. This time is was bad, it was an invitation of a girl I used to go to primary school with. It sucks being in the position I am in.
Miscommunication: I should write a book titled The Art of Miscommunication. Just thought of that on the way home today when I split a cab with a friend. He’s a friend that I got into a huge tiff with just about 2 years ago. I was in Australia studying and he has in Singapore and it was over something really dumb via text. But somehow things sorted themselves out. And this morning as well with another friend, apparently a joke I made came across differently. Maybe I should just shut up. That way with nothing said they will be nothing to be misconstrued.
Job hunting: I have decided to passively job hunt. Given work right now with restructuring, is really messy and getting even messier, might as well right? Plus I feel like I keep thinking about the team, yet they don’t seem to give a rat’s ass about me. I was asked to cancel some of my off days in November. Why? Because there were other people (that hadn’t planned their leave properly) who had too many days left over, so I was going to have to be penalised for being organised. I am so annoyed by that. And I also saw a role that I qualify for and is a dream role for me. But every time I apply for such a “dream” position, I don’t even get a call back. Can everyone who reads this please pray that I get at least an interview for this role I am going to apply for? I could use the extra help.
Dark skin, in a fair skinned world: I found the one cosmetic product that I love and made my life easy and guess what, they stopped bring it into the country. Don’t get me wrong, the product (Tarte’s BB Treatment) is still available here, just only in Chinese women shades. I decided not to be discouraged and went to about 8 different brands. None of them had an alternative that came close to my colour. Even my (and I am guessing most Indian women that live here) go-to brand MAC didn’t have it. Oh the joys of being a minority. If only I could buy Tarte online but no, they only ship to US & Canada. Sighs.
Life – Work in progress: I need to constantly remind myself of a few things to try and maintain a more positive and productive life. There’s a huge list I am working on but here are a few.
I need to be less afraid of failure. I need to learn to be less fussed and take things easy at times, things don’t always have to be perfect.
Over-thinking is not all negative. But it does lead to anxiety and unfounded worry. I need to find away to refined my habit of over-thinking that I don’t loose my analytical nature but cut out the anxiety/sensitivity.
I need to remember that I am not responsible for other people’s feelings. It’s not my job to make sure someone else happy all the time. No one goes around ensuring I am in a good mood, why should I walk on eggshells around everyone else?
I need to discern between who’s giving my feedback and who just give me their dismissible opinions. Mostly I should only concern myself with people who I know have got my back no matter what.
Sugar Detox: I am at the tail end of day 15. It’s going alright. Though I am getting sick of bring salads to work. I would like hot meals once in a while. I will figure something out.
Japan: I have been planning to do Japan next year and even had dates tentatively planned but now I got invited for a wedding smack in the middle of the dates I wanted to go. Plus one of my friends (a mom of 2) has invited herself on my trip. Hell no. She just wants to get away from her kids. I want to go explore. Need to find away to tell her she’s not invited.