Anyone who’s been reading this blog or has communicated with me recently knows the one thing I am really looking forward to, at this point is my trip to Phuket. And then what happens, some idiot(s) decide to set off bombs around Thailand, including 2 in Phuket. Why? Why is it hard not to kill/grievously maim fellow human beings? I just don’t get it.
Anyway now the 2 people I am going with are re-thinking the trip because of family pressuring them on safety. I basically told them (in a nice way), that I am going whether or not they are coming. Unless war breaks out in Phuket, nothing is coming in the way of me and my lounging by the beach/pool, cocktail in hand.
And here is where my gratitude comes in. My parents/family. While my 2 trip buddies are being guilt tripped into not going, my parents are happy to leave the decision to me. Here are the 2 conversations I had with both my parents at different times yesterday night (the one with mom translated from Tamil).
Mom: There were some attacks in Phuket. Which part of Thailand you going again?
Mom: Are you still going to go?
End of conversation – though I know she’ll be doing some extra praying
Dad: You bought travel insurance right? Can you cancel your trip?
Dad: Are you going to?
End of conversation
Reflecting on this, I felt really thankful that growing up my parents never let their fears for my sister and I stop us from doing what we want to do. After a certain point, they normally communicated their concerns to us but always let us make our own decisions/mistakes. But were always there when those mistakes blew up in our faces.
So thankful I don’t have parents that guilt-trip me as a 30 year old for my decisions.
Blogging used to be my escape, I loved and looked forward to it. My earlier posts were even kind of funny.
Lately though I have lost it. Not sure why. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been feeling well. Basically all these ideas will pop into my head but I never actually get them out. Feel a little lost in that sense.
Hopefully I can find my mojo back. And fast.
I have been up quite a bit these days thinking about love. The romantic kind. Don’t know if it’s because I seem to be the love counsellor in the office or because my 30th birthday is around the corner and it’s got me all introspective. Either way it’s annoying, it messes with me head.
I am turning 30 soon and in terms of love have nothing to show for it. Bit of a scary thought. It’s like I didn’t even deserve a failed relationship in these years. Not even temporarily loved. I don’t really get why. There are people who aren’t the nicest people in the world that are happily married or have more than 1 relationship. Selfish idiots that one care about money or superficial things find love. I must be really horrible person.
Deep down I know that I don’t need a man or to be married to be happy/ fulfilled. I know this from observing various relationships and people around me. And I also know one day God and the universe will show me why my perpetual state of singledom makes sense. Doesn’t make the lonely emo nights any easier though.
It’s been a little crazy for me these last couple of weeks, work and healthwise. I suppose health has been more challenging. Nothing serious though (I think) just bloody hormones making it difficult for me to go about my day as per normal. They are also making me constantly tired for no proper reason. Need to schedule a thyroid test soon to rule that out (hopefully).
On the work front I seem to have become the relationship counsellor for the team. What a cruel twist by the world. Do you really think I want to be listening to your relationship problems like “he’s not normally my type at all but I gave him a chance. It’s not like I don’t have a lot of other offers”. Like how do you think you telling me about the hoard of men you have at your disposal makes my life better? Why do you think I care about your personal relationships? And I have 3 people now coming to me about their dating/love life. Why God, why?!
Not like I have been going around telling people how my hormones are reeking havoc on my body. Which would be more relevant actually because it may affect my work. Just because introverts are quiet doesn’t mean we like listening. Well we do, at least I do, but if it’s about the same thing 500 million times and it’s something I can’t really relate to, then it’s quite draining.
I think this one woman keeps telling me the same thing so that I will tell her what she wants to hear as opposed to what I think. Sorry dude, not going to happen. You made your bed, you lie in it, that’s my motto. I think I might elaborate on this in another post.
Today’s off to a not so great start. My oats stash at work is depleted. I didn’t realise. It’s weird starting my day with oats. At least I have coffee.
I also have a colleague going through a break-up (who I have mentioned before) who keeps sending me links about break-ups and relationships. Like stop, please stahp. I am didn’t break up with anyone. And I don’t need, spiritual (she’s a devout Christian) guidance or advice from elitedaily/thoughtcatalog. To top it all off, after I have spent hours listening to her go on and on about the same relationship issues she tells me that she needs people like Sharon and Carin (other colleagues) to help her through this difficult period. 2 people that have barely been in the office. Then why the hell has she been wasting my time with the sob story? 😕 I don’t understand people sometimes.
Plus she keeps saying her issues are because she was in a relationship with an introvert. I keep telling her, her ex (also a colleague) is firstly not an introvert, he seems to socialise fine with all the women in the office. And more importantly even if he was one, that’s not the issue, the fact that he’s a lying cheating idiot is.
Anyways, I bought a hat. I need to focus on that. My hat, Phuket, cocktails, pristine beaches. 7 more weeks to go.
Feeling extra lonely tonight, I think it’s because I put my pillows for washing and don’t have any cuddle buddies. Yes my pillows are my source of comfort, don’t judge me.
In other news, I bought a cheap hat for my Phuket trip. It’s just a basic straw floppy hat, but I’m so happy with it. Think I look nice in it. Hopefully my hormones will cooperate with me during the trip. They aren’t cooperating at
Am I losing my mind? Probably. Is it due to the medication I am on? Maybe.
Burger: The burger at dinner was sooooo good and I am very proud of my IG caption for the picture of it I posted :p
Cab ride home: I am so used to using Grab car (like uber but better) that I nearly jumped out at the end of it without paying.
Cute guy: There’s a hot guy in my office building that I have seen around a few times. Today I was all dressed up in my new floral dress feeling beautiful (which is pretty rare, and I was hoping I would bump into him. And I did! I smiled at him, he didn’t even smile back 😒. I wasn’t even worth a smile back. Sighs.
I have started doing something a couple of weeks a go that has impacted my quality of life significantly. I have started checking work emails on my phone. Before I started doing it I knew the consequences but I was still not able to talk myself out of it. Now even if I wake up in the middle of the night, I feel the urge to check my work emails. Why? Why did I start? Argh.
I think we have previously established that my literal centre of gravity is my ass. If I fall from a great height I will land on my butt, no questions there. This though, didn’t (or doesn’t) stop me from trying to do side planks. How is it so easy for some people? Using your hips to lift your butt off the ground and holding it there with only 1 arm and foot on the floor. It defies gravity especially for someone with a giant ass. Gravity/physics defiant. Like an aeroplane. That’s right folks, me doing side planks is like an aeroplane taking off, no dramatisation there.
I know what type of plane I would be too. I remember going to the Singapore Airshow the years the A380 was launched. The guy in front of me turned to his friend and said “That plane looks like a regular plane that ate too much”. So I am an A380. Wow, this is not how I thought this post would turn out.
If you ever want attention/buzz on your social media account, post a picture of a cactus. Seriously, I post stuff that i’m in, I post things a created (cooking/baking creations) or of exciting food/scenes, but nothing. 1 cactus on instagram and suddenly all your friends have something to say. Just your regular office/desk cactus at that.
Or maybe they were amused by the sad caption that depicts my life that came along with the picture. I don’t know, but it is a cute cactus. This guy below. His name is Bob by the way. I have decided to make him one of my friends, since I can’t make new friends as an adult, I shall buy them.
Oh my god I am turning into the crazy cactus lady instead of the crazy cat lady. I suppose it was a matter of time.
(Side note: If anyone knows what type of cactus Bob is could you please let me know? I am pretty curious to find out and I can’t find the answer on the internet. Thank you.)