Eyeliner ūüĎĀ¬†

This weekend I had 2 firsts. 2 things that most people do way before 30 but I took some time.

One was eyeliner. I have always experimented with it but given my shakey hands I have never really had in my make up box. This weekend though, I went out in public with eyeliner. Besides drug addict hands, my other issue with eyeliner was it always went on too thick. Mostly because as a beginner with eyeliner, pencil liners are always recommended. And I always thought I looked ridiculous with thick liner. But I found the secret, Maybelline Hypersharp liquid liner. The brush is really easy to use and the line comes out super thin. Seriously, any beginners with eyeliner don’t look go pencil, go with the Maybelline liner.

Another first was Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Yes the movie. I have always wanted to watch it because of the song (remember the one by deep blue something?). Honestly at first I found it a little boring but then I got absorbed into it. It was an interesting love story. Interesting characters, I’m contemplating reading the book. It was on Netflix the movie, a newly added one. What would I do in my lonely existence without Netflix.

Not all people suck

Yes this is a follow up to my last post. Yesterday I attended a wedding of a friend/ex-colleague. It reminded me of non-sucky people. I got a job lead, and met another perennially single former colleague and the wedding was really good. The wedding was in Malaysia, and involved 10 hours of travelling to and fro. I am exhausted from the trip but the whole celebration was nice.

And the groom (my friend) is like one of the nicest people on the planet. So anyone that says nice guys don’t get the girl, sorry I have evidence of the contrary. She’s really beautiful to0, in case you were wondering. It’s nice to see good people happy, I can’t help but feel good. But I really am so tired after yesterday. Exhausted¬†but happy.

People suck

That’s my conclusion after this week. I have been in a hyper-crabby mood this week. People seem to be asking stupid questions, saying stupid things or just acting stupid. At the height of it is 1 woman. My work “buddy”. Not in the friend sense, we work on the same accounts, I am her back-up if she is away and vice versa. She didn’t use to be so annoying, not sure if she bumped her head somewhere recently.

Anyway first this morning she looked at me (it’s casual friday today) and said “sometimes you dress like a very girly girl, and sometimes you dress very sporty”. ¬†That’s like an observation that took her like 1 year to make. I haven’t changed anything about the way I dress. Am I supposed to give her a prize?

Then later at lunch, we went to subway (she hates subway but still wanted to come). Then she said the mustard was too salty. I had the mustard too. It tasted like mustard. And¬†over lunch she was “counselling” me. She basically noticed a shift in office dynamics (people are starting to find her annoying and move away from her) and I think ¬†her was trying recruit me to her side. She basically was telling me I need to base things on facts and be practical and not entertain gossip. Me. She’s known me over a year, she thinks I need to be told to rely on facts? That is the whole fucking premise of my being. ¬†My fact checking practicality. And SHE telling about the pitfalls of gossip? She’s like the biggest one in the office to the point she makes things up when there is a lull in office gossip.

And then there was this other woman that asked me how old I was, and when I told her asked me why I wasn’t married or dating. So I told her the truth – “Circumstances. But now that Brad has finally left¬†Angelina, I’ll get right on it”. She didn’t get it.¬†They never do. All the English movie/sayings/current affairs references in the office. Sometimes I need to consciously remind myself that I am in an English speaking country. FML.

Weddings

They’re expensive. Attending one I mean. I have 1 next week. It’s in Malaysia. I need to travel 3-4 hours to get there and get back. And I’ll be out 200 bucks, which is becoming the norm as a wedding present (or “ang bao” as it is known here).

Attending weddings always make me think about, no surprises, my wedding. Yes, my hasn’t happened not sure if it ever will wedding. I still stand by decision to elope. But I always told/tell myself I will have a little reception after that. Cause honestly, I like throwing parties/events, and this would be one where I can do exactly what I want. Again, yes I know this may never happen. That’s what had me thinking, all these people that shell out hundreds of dollars to due to wedding attendance convention,¬†most of them attend each other’s weddings so it’s not so bad. They basically pass the money around. It’s people like me,¬†perennially single ones, that end up getting broke. By the end of this year, I would have given over a thousand dollars in wedding “ang baos” just attending. And of these marriages, one hasn’t even worked out.

And post wedding, there is baby showers, kid birthday parties, housewarmings and all other kinds of crap you need to buy gifts for.

That’s what it’s like being a 30 year old single person. You keep attending and spending hundreds of dollars on events you don’t even want to be at and just serve as a reminder of your sad lonely existence. Not fun.

Friend-less

Does anyone else (in their late 20s or 30s) feel like they outgrew their friends? Okay maybe outgrew is the wrong word. More like you get the feeling that you are not sure why you guys are friends anymore. I had that moment today. I met up with 2 friends, and of course the conversation steered to one of my subjects of expertise, parenting. I am being sarcastic there by the way in case anyone didn’t get that.

Anyway we were talking (and by we I mean they cause I have no kids hence no say in topic), and one of my friends said one of her cousins was a successful parent because of her 2 kids 1 was studying to be a doctor and the other a lawyer. I was like, woah hold up. Since when is that a measure of good parenting? That just proves that her cousin was successful in getting her kids in law school and med school. Nothing about whether the kids actually wanted it or if they were happy. I felt like I was in the 1940s or something. Then I started thinking. Not just about this. Over the years our lives, views, has just gone on 2 different paths. It’s strange, we were so close in school but now.

I need new friends. Preferably single or with no kids around my age. Any takers?

Discovery Weekend

I spent the whole long weekend, the whole new year weekend, at home. Reading, eating, Netflix. It’s been amazing. Even food cane be ordered online. They delivered it in 20 mins. Piping hot shepherd’s pie and waffles with ice cream for dessert. In 20 minutes. I so love now, as in, 2017. I can officially become a hermit. Who needs people?

2016

Seems pretty cliche, but I suppose I should review the year? Overall it was okay. I am talking about it from a my little world perspective, not global perspective. Cause in global perspective it was arguably sucky.

So let’s see, I still have the things I am grateful for, roof over my head, job which leads to a stable income, parents, people who read this blog, a fast internet connect and other creature comforts. I got to travel, Japan, Thailand, Cambodia. Those were fun. Expensive, but fun.

The not so good. My friend’s mom jumped out of their 11th story flat and killed herself on 1st January 2016. So the tone for the whole year wasn’t great. Hormone problems came up and I am not sure I have heard the last of those. I discovered things about friends/people I have known for a really long time that weren’t so good. Like one of my friend’s doesn’t shower everyday. A weirdo at work. Not the good weird. It’s really stressing me out, this woman is turning out to be a whack job. And she’s lunch buddies with my boss so I am in a tricky situation. That’s something I will carry forward into the new year. Yay.

This year has also been a year where I get these moments. Kind of like mini epiphanies or those¬†d√©j√† vu moments. But it’s more like moments when I am doing things alone and I have this sense of reality set in, that this is life. When I am alone, whether grocery shopping, watching a movie or walking the streets of Japan, I get these “Anita, welcome to your life/future”¬†pangs. The feel is not negative or positive, it just is. Maybe it’s a sign of me finally embracing my solitude. Or going crazy.

Why can’t I go back to the days when new year’s was my favorite holiday, full of hope and anticipation? I always looked forward to the fireworks at least. Tonight I am looking forward to sleep. Just sleep. I cannot do another night of my brain going on over drive and thoughts keeping me up till 2am and then dozing off for 30-40 min blocks till the sun comes up.

And if there is someone who actually makes it to the end of this post, while might sound like a horrible cynic, I genuinely hope all your dreams come true in 2017. :)

Not you too Facebook!

Facebook used to be cute, asking me what’s on my mind, or telling me wet weather is expected and to stay dry.¬†Like a sad, behind the scenes friend. Now even that friend has gotten unreliable with suggestions like this:

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Yes people, Facebook with it’s algorithms has deduced I am a Jennifer Lawrence loving sexually active lesbian. That’s the group I fall into that group. I tried to think of what I searched for/read that could have led to me being grouped as such. Couldn’t think of anything. So I went through my web and search history. Still nothing.

Maybe Facebook knows something I don’t know, but the last time I checked, I am straight, less sexually active than a table lamp and find J Law kinda annoying.

My being chronically single has broken Facebook. Even it thinks the only logical explanation my lack of a relationship is that I am queer. Sorry Zuckerberg, your little platform is no match for the joke that is my life. Well either it’s no match or you guys are in on it. I don’t know which¬†to go with at the moment. All I know is…

Endings

This weekend I have gotten to do something that I have been complaining the last couple of years, I haven’t had enough time to do. Read. Finished a few books and got me thinking, finishing a book is kind of sad isn’t it? I suppose for me it’s a form of escapism, so at the end of each (good) book, it’s like – hello again cruel world. I don’t know what it is, but it’s been a bittersweet sort of feeling this whole weekend. But now all the books that I had access too and were in my reading queue are done so I am feeling a bit lost. Any ideas?

Well I have Netflix and re-watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix to keep me occupied but that only works with wifi. What do I do during the commutes to and from work?¬†Speaking of work, that’s gotten kind of weird lately. Politics, I have gotten kind of caught up in it. I can’t watch from the sidelines which I normally like to do.

Oh back to Netflix. I have renamed my devices/gadgets according to Netflix. Small Netflix device = phone, big Netflix device = laptop, bigger Netflix device = TV and word Netflix device = Kindle. Yup, I’ll be over here losing my mind if anyone needs me.

Human interaction

I have decided that I fail in human interaction. I am even failing online. Used to make more connections via the blog/wordpress. But I don’t anymore. I went to a¬†nursing home yesterday. I was told that volunteers will be briefed and guided. We were supposed to guide 2 residents each on using a tablet and play memory games. Every other table had 1 volunteer and 1 staff member with 2 residents. At my table I only had me, no staff. At all other tables that the staff were at, they helped to get the mood up, cheery and loud. At mine, me being me, everything was so subdued. So I decided I fail. From ages 0-85 years old, I cannot interact with humans.

And apparently there’s new research that links lack of connection with addiction. That explains it. The lonelier I feel, the more I eat. Need to break this.