If you ever need to find out how racist your new friends/acquantainces you just have to see how thier toddlers react to you. This only works if you are a minority. It happened to me yesterday. My ex-coworker, or to steal a phrase from Ron Swanson, work proximity associate, invited me over to her house for a gathering. Her daughter was afraid of me. She was fine with everyone else. I would put that to 1 of 2 things, 1 her parents use the “if you’re naughty the scary indian uncle/auntie will take you away” (it’s something parents here commonly use) or she’s not used to people that are darker shades. Both are bad in my opinion, but oh well what you going to do when you are less than 9% of the population?
Since my first post 6 years ago about being endangered, not much has changed in that part of my life. Well I have moved from being chronically single in my 20s to chronically single in my 30s. I want to say it’s different, that I’ve embraced the solitude, independence, etc, but truth is I’ve already done all that and then some. It’s pretty much like being single in your 20s except now you are single and more prone to getting injured by just walking to the water cooler, your biological clock/ovaries have given up on you cause your hormones are out of whack, and instead of having any hope of finding a confidant or partner you, just resign yourself to the impending future of dying alone. So in other words, fun times.
The following list on how to be kind to your single friend, if you’re coupled up, are things I have probably mentioned before on this blog but after recent events I thought I would post them again. Just some “highlights” that frustrate me in my first world problem plagued life.
1. Don’t cancel on them last minute. If you do, acceptable excuses include, life or death situations, you or your child being sick. A scheduling conflict because you prioritised your catch up session much lower than a last minute lunch with your in-laws (who you live with) is not a valid excuse.
2. Don’t give them dating advice. Do we give you tips on your marriage or how to raise kids? Just like how we have no clue in that area you’ve been out of the dating scene since George Bush was POTUS. Do you really think you have any useful information relevant to 2019 or that we haven’t heard of the “latest” dating app.
3. If you turn the topic of conversation to an in depth discussion on marriage, in-laws, babies, don’t be surprised if we space out. Sure your kids are cute and your mother-in-law may be the best person in the world/total nightmare (it’s equally annoying hearing about both), but we have nothing to contribute to these discussions. Not only will we eventually get bored, these conversations sometimes give us FOMO or make us feel extra lonely (though I have to admit sometimes they make me go, thank god I’m single and don’t have kids).
4. Finally don’t assume. No, just no. Don’t make any assumptions about our lives and think you have a better outlook on things because you are married or are a parent. I’m not out living a uni-student/party lifestyle. I’m adulting too, just not in the same way as you.
I promise I still want to and enjoy writing/posting. I don’t know why I’m had such a prolonged dry spell and haven’t been able to post anything decent. So many ideas, so little motivation. I think maybe I might be undergoing a mild form of depression or something. Which is strange because life is going pretty okay. I am having some hormonal issues so maybe that’s affecting some chemical balances that affects my mood? I don’t know. Anyway, to try and perk myself up, I decided to post what is going right for me at the moment. The lack of (my) care to posting has pretty much turned this to a diary anyway.
Firstly work. It’s getting a bit stagnant and feel like I should be looking at what’s next career-wise, but honestly, I’m in a pretty good position in the office. People around me know my style and like (if not adapt to) it. I have a little issues with office gossip and politics but I think it’s not yet reached the intolerable point. Normally at work 90% of the time I feel like I work with idiots. Now it’s gone down to about 86% of the time. So that’s a plus right?
In the realm of travel, I am get super excited about going to the Rockies in September. My only worry there is that I booked flights via Taiwan, in the midst of Typhoon season. I really hope this year is a quite year Typhoon wise for everyone in general. Hopefully there are no flight cancellations or delays.
Then there’s all the usual stuff, family, friends, roof over my head, access to good food, and coffee. Oh and I am also exercising more and that seems to be going well. Okay fine, I’m still fat and not losing weight but it’s about fitness right, not fatness. If nothing else my mood post work-out (like tonight) is usually much better. So maybe it’s not so much for my physical but my mental health. In any case, hopefully my mood eventually and overall improves over time.
I forgot how exciting it is to travel. Like the exploratory kind of travel to a new place. I just booked my tickets to Vancouver/Seattle and I am so bloody excited I feel like a would up spring. I’m only going in September so it’s a bit pre-mature my excitement, I know. I’m also kinda freaked out because I most likely will be there solo.
I was looking up shopping over there and went to the store listings at a mall to see what kind of brands they carry and there were a couple of brands that got me very excited. Auntie Annie’s and Cinnabon. That’s how much of a fatty I am.
Anyway, anyone have any tips about travel to these places?
So, as you know by now, I’m non-voluntarily a member of the lonely hearts frequent flyer club. That’s a lame opening, but I had to tie it in with the title somehow. Being single in your 30s, it’s kinda liberating but lonely. That’s probably the best way I would describe it. And why am I writing about this? I am guessing it was brought on by Valentine’s day. The 31st one in my life and the 31st one as a single person. So in honour of that, here are some tips for all you losers who are not single (for once just let me just call you people with a stable love life losers, okay?) when you deal with your friends who are single in their 30s.
Tip #1: Don’t tell them they’ll meet “the one” at <insert upcoming event here>. It doesn’t work that way, and lot of us don’t do things hoping the meet the love of our lives. We just do things cause we want to do them. And don’t be so shocked when we do things alone that you normally wouldn’t. There are some perks of being single and an introvert. We don’t really need to wait for you to pencil us between brunch with your husband’s 3rd cousin and your 2 year old’s bed time 4 months in the future to go see a movie.
Tip #2: Do not provide helpful advice on how to meet people. Seriously just don’t. You, who have been in relationships since you were 20 and not been single for any period longer than like 6 months, do not have a clue. Trust me. For the love of God (or whatever you hold sacred if you’re an Atheist), do not ask/tell them any variation of “You need to get on dating apps/Have you tried apps?”. When people say that to me, the 2 things I want to say are: 1 – Have you tried any? (especially the married ones); 2 – I am nearly 32 years old and been single forever, do you really think I haven’t been on one? I’d like to try and name me an app I haven’t been on.
I have more tips, but i’m going to stop with 2 tips for now. Mostly because I don’t think anyone reads blogs anymore. I’m a bit behind the times. I don’t tweet, and I find Snapchat/Instagram stories/Facebook My Day, extremely annoying and narcissistic. Don’t get me wrong I do like Instagram, though, cause to me it’s like a scrapbook of my experiences. The other crap though, here’s the thing, if you’re not a celebrity, NOBODY FUCKING CARES about your damn mini “stories/videos/posts”. Social media platforms need to stop investing in finding ways for everyday nobodies to spam the masses. With that said, Will Smith is winning at Instagram even though he’s new to it, if you don’t already follow him, you should.
I was going to say happy 2018 in the title, but who am I kidding. It’s just another day/year. Same shit different date. It’s been a while since I blogged. Not too much as changed. Still single, still fat, still watching “Say Yes to the Dress” as my guilty pleasure, just older and not that much wiser.
Before I go on any further, I suppose I should do a 2017 in review type thingy. Well for me the main take away for the year 2017 is something I have mentioned before. Helping others ends up biting you in the arse. Be selective on who/when you are (or think you are) helping others. Good intentions may backfire and are rarely appreciated. This lesson as been thought to me both in my professional and personal life this year.
That and the realisation that I tend to place more importance on personal relationships/people than they do in return. That’s the theme of my life, lack of reciprocation. I’m not talking about the romantic relationships, clarification, if you haven’t gotten by now that I have no semblance of a love life. Just people in general. They are mostly selfish bastards. And yes I am not that naive that I only figured that out in 2017. I suppose I was in denial for a bit, giving all the benefit of the doubt.
I want to say I will blog more in 2018, but I don’t know if I will. Here’s my plan for 2018 so far. Save up and travel to Canada. Why Canada? It’s a long/weird story, let me know if you what to know it. However currently I am a little scared to travel so far a lone and also am not sure I can afford it comfortably. But I am going to try and get there anywhere. So if around August/September you read news of solo female tourist eaten by bear while hiking in the Rockies, it’s probably me.
Hopefully all of you (if there is anyone reading this) have great year ahead.
P.S. Anyone need a travel partner to the Vancouver/banff area (and maybe Seattle) around late August,early September?
It’s been a while. A long while actually and don’t have a good excuse. I have been hit by blog inspiration many times but just never got around to doing writing anything. Losing motivation, in all aspects in life actually.
Well works gone crap. It used to be just crap as in the workload but now there’s been some political plays, which I am not happy about. And I have gotten a little more assertive at work and people are view it as push back I think. I can’t just go on letting people mistake my quiet, go with the flow attitude as weakness. They made the mistake, they suffer the consequences.
Well the good news is, I found a new show I am hooked onto. Sherlock. Yes I know I am late to the party, but jeez it’s amazing. Any other Sherlock fans out there? Okay so that’s not really good news, given that I am super busy with work and can’t afford to be binging on a new show right now.
Lastly my fat girl gripe at the moment. I feel like as a fatty, there’s a different set of rules for me when it comes to dressing. So on Friday, I wore a long/maxi dress to work. First one I have owned and I felt pretty in it. But I got a lot of comments about how “sexy” the dress was. Not sure that’s appropriate, but let me clarify here, it was a dress that covered me from my neck to the floor. It had a slit on the side, up to my knee. My knee. There are girls that run around the office in skirts/dresses that barely cover their butt. It’s like I am not allowed to show skin. Oh well, fat girl problems.
I was talking to a friend when I heard myself saying, “I didn’t choose the single life, the single life chose me”. I suppose that’s the thing people don’t fully understand when they talk to me about my love life. I started this blog because I got kind of bored of not having anyone to share the singledom with. 4 years later, I am still in the same boat. No I am not surprised that I am still single (going with the overqualified argument, cause why the hell not?), but surprised I have made a couple more friends that are single. In 4 years people. It’s a little scary to thing there has been no activity in that part of my life for four freaking years. And yes I have tried online dating, in case you were wondering.
Don’t get me wrong, I am quite settled in my chronic singleness. I have the nights though (usually coincides with PMS) where the loneliness descends on you like a bitch. I was trying to think of a better simile there for descent, but couldn’t so went with bitch. Not my best work I know but all my energy has been sapped out from the work week so please excuse the lack of creativity.
And oh yes, since if has been 4 years since my post, I think it’s only right that I move myself up the scale, from endangered to critically endangered. Sounds about right. Next stage is extinct in the wild. I suppose that will be the cat lady stage when I get sick of everyone and everything and become a social recluse. I’m on my way there anyway, just minus the cats.
Work – Work is quite bad, just because it’s piling up. And one of my fellow project mangers has quit and now I am babysitting some of her accounts as well. I’m stress eating and not exercising cause I am ending work late. My family isn’t helping either, just keep pointing out that I am fatter. I thought the point of family was to notice when you under pressure/stress. But nah, mostly it’s just to point out your weight issues, especially my sister. And I am going to so see her in like 3 weeks, when I am probably going to be PMSing. Good luck to me (and her).
Swimwear – Speaking of fat people problems, I need new swimwear. Of course being a fat person in Singapore, I have limited clothing options, let also swimwear. I went online and found the prettiest swimsuit ever. Fairly affordable too. But I’ll never actually wear it. Here’s the link in case anyone else is swimwear shopping and has the body confidence to wear it. Oh and there’s this one that I might actually wear but can’t afford.
Random people – As much as I don’t like socialising, I have to admit that sometimes random strangers make your day better. Like that dude I saw who was picking up snails off the trail away from the crushing feet of joggers and placing them back in the grass. Or the man at Marks & Spencer yesterday. I was waiting for my mom to pay for some stuff and was standing in the men’s shirts section. This older man was also there browsing shirts waiting for his wife. If you’ve been shopping with me, you’ll know that I can’t help but touch/feel clothes made of fabrics that look soft and satiny. So I was there, feeling this shirt which was made out of super soft cotton. And this guy, who I guess was bored, casually asked, “getting a gift?”. I don’t know why it came out the way it did, it was quite involuntary, but I told him I had no one to buy a men’s shirt for, with a huge despondent sigh. And he tried to cheer me up. This old British man who didn’t know me. I normally walk around with an attitude that the world is full of idiots. Don’t get me wrong, I still think it is, maybe just a little less than I have estimated in the past.
Based on that annual leave and money that I have, I have decided that I can afford to travel in January for about 10-ish days. It would the perfect time to use up any balance leave from this year. And now there are a lot of sale airfares to different destinations, lot of which I want to visit. But here’s the thing, I am not brave enough to travel to these places alone. And no surprises I have no one to go with. I have asked people but people either haven’t taken me seriously or just cannot care. The latter mostly because for them, they travel with their partners. For single with a lack of other single friends, there isn’t much choice but when looking at travel, always assessing the possibility of exploring alone.
I was looking at maybe visiting a cousin of my who’s in Guatemala, but the travel time/route/fare is just too much for a 2 week trip. If I am ever going to travel over 30 hours somewhere I would like to spend at least 3 weeks to a month there. So now I am trying to tell myself that I can travel to other places alone. But so far I haven’t convinced myself.
Anyone need a travel buddy?