Felt like posting a list of selected things that are going on in my head this morning. Have to give credit to another blogger’s post for the idea.
1. I need to start hanging a do not disturb sign around my neck when I am read.
2. Pink tulips are pretty.
3. My phone playlist is possessed. Everytime I reach tiong bahru (that’s where I work) the song that comes up is Coldplay’s Fix You (my theme song). My playlist is on shuffle, and no I don’t start it at the same time every morning so no it cannot just be the order. I have had a discussion about this.
4. Doberman’s are the cutest breed of dogs. I want one, or two.
I love the sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond. I (sadly?) can draw some parallels with that show as I have explained before. Mostly with the Robert Barone character. I caught an episode I hadn’t seen before the other day, and in Season 9 episode 2 (linked to the clip), when he steps away from the chaos, looks up and has a little conversation with God, he is definitely the fictional character I relate to the best. Squidward (from Spongebob), would come in in second place.
I saw this post by the cousin, a letter to her future guy, an was thinking what I mine would look like. Then I realised, mine would look something like this:
Dear future man/love of my life,
Pretty simple. And yes I consider myself a hopeless romantic, but I don’t mean that with a “where have you been all my life” kind of lovey-dovey kind of tone. It’s more of a where the bloodly hell have you been, kind of tone. Yes I know, I got to work better on this being positive thing.
And while we’re on this topic, may I just bring up online articles on dating. I previously wrote about why I thought all those why it’s great to be single articles are crap. Well now here is my rant about online articles on looking for love. Some tell you to put yourself out there, some say love “finds” you when you stop looking, some say it’s all up to fate/destiny. So what the hell is it? I guess no one has the magic formula but it would be good if writers of these articles just accept that fact and, well, stop writing this drivel.
Thank you for being the first person to wish me a good birthday on Facebook. But may I just ask why? Why this year? Why not last year when I was physically in the same place as you. When you could have walked over to say happy birthday? We lived in the same hall, on the same floor. Being highly introverted, I hated socialising and small talk but I always made it a point to start a conversation with you. So no one can accuse me of not trying. I even mentioned you in my blog post. Twice. Unfortunately, you only started talking to me after graduation and most via Facebook because we are/were in 2 different continents. It’s okay though, no hard feelings, that’s just how the story of my life goes. Sighs. Have a good life.
Finally the 2 day weekend I have been waiting for. Going to get it started with a nice long walk tomorrow morning, got myself a few books, just need a steady stream of coffee and I am all good. Birthday month hasn’t been great lets hope this weekend changes that.
I told myself to hang on till August. I am always able to be find some way of being happy in August. It’s never failed me before. Until this year. I am consciously trying to stay positive but it doesn’t seem to be working.
I had to go into the office today, and the few people there who were also there we all asking, “You working today?”. I told them “No, I just love this cluttered, dusty, lizard infested excuse of an office that I have decided to live here”. Okay fine I didn’t exactly say that but that’s what I wanted to say. I mean obviously right I’m working? Why else would I be AT WORK? Idiots.
At this stage, I am a bit “late” to be posting about Robin Williams. But I still had to. I never was a super fan or anything but that does not mean I didn’t think he was brilliant. News of his death just adds to the sucky month and well year.
“There must be something wrong with the world, if the world can’t accommodate Robin Williams”. – Russell Brand. Something to think about isn’t it? How did we end up in a society where someone as amazingly talented, as Robin Williams felt like he needed an out. The amount of pain he must have been to give up at 63 when he had family and an established career among other things. The other thing, the basis of motivation for humanity is often attributed to hope. It’s hard though to feel hopeful though when you hear about the pain and suffering of a man that brought so much happiness to others decide to end his life. What a horrible world we live in. We really need to take stock of how broken we are as a human race and try to change. Do I have hope that that will happen? Nope, just look at the state of the world today, people killing and fighting each other pointlessly. I do have 1 hope though, that the legend of a man, Robin Williams, has finally found peace.
Yes i know, it’s not a newsflash that I have issues, but I think I have anger management issues. I keep getting urges to hit, trip or physically harm people. Or at the very least scream at them. This aggression/hostility is not towards everyone, just some idiots I see out and about. Mostly on the MRT (train/subway).
Like on the train yesterday. While I was squashed near the doors I spotted enough room in the middle of the carriage to do a waltz. Okay fine, that’s an exaggeration. But there was at least twice as much empty space in the middle of the carriage that me and the 4 people I was squashed up against were sharing. Why don’t people just move in? So I decided to fight through the mass of people and get myself in the middle in an attempt to get more breathing space and hopefully freeing a little space near the doors. I tried the polite way of asking people to move so that I can make why way to the middle. Didn’t work, because most people are more concerned about watching their favourite Korean drama or some other shit on their smartphones. I will admit I lost my patience a little after repeated attempts, an eventually bull-dozed my way to the middle of the train where there was more space. One lady who had noticed me doing that (she was seated by the way), shook her head at me. At ME. Like I was the bad guy. I wouldn’t have had to do that if everyone was just a little more considerate and moved in in the first place. I was so pissed I actually considered going up to her and sitting up her lap or falling on her by “accident” or something. I also thought of scratching, hitting or kicking her. At the very least wanted to ask her what her fucking problem was. If I had been PMS-ing I think I might have actually done that. Thankfully, I was still had some hint of rationale in me and decided to just let it go.
But why? Why are people idiots? I mean I am not perfect but I do make a conscious effect to be a decent human being and use some common sense. Isn’t that a reasonable expectation of everyone that is born human?
August is normally a happy month for me. It normally feels festive with National Day at the beginning of the month (though I am no longer very patriotic) and then my birthday at the end of the month. Just the fact that it was my birthday month usually keeps me pretty upbeat. And because my birthday is actually only in late August the feeling lasts till about the 1st week of September.
This year pretty much keeping in the theme of the rest of the year, August hasn’t been great. Firstly it started with me having terrible flu. And then there was National day. It fell on a Saturday, which mean I don’t really get a holiday because Saturdays are technically working days for me. Guess what? I had to work on National Day. It was only for a couple of hours but still. Why would you make me do something on a Public holiday. Most of the country will now be enjoying a holiday in lieu of national day being on a Saturday but not me. I am at work. Forget long weekend, I barely had a regular 2 day weekend.
There’s also my grandmother being in hospital. Normally if we take her to hospital they diagnose what’s wrong, she gets better and in about 2-3 days she’s home. This time, she’s been there about 3 weeks now. Basically the whole of August. The doctors can’t really tell what’s wrong with her, being in the final stages of Alzheimer’s, can’t communicate what she’s feeling. They suspect she had a minor stroke but they don’t know why she keeps getting a fever and is bleeding internally. At this stage we all just want her to stop suffering. As cruel as it sounds, it might be better if she stopped fighting and just passed on. But my grandmother has never been one to give up, so only god knows what will happen.
Which pretty much sums up my attitude towards life at the moment. God knows what will happen, I have given up on living, I am just basically existing.