I have spent 2 days at the new job, and it’s been eventful. I am pretty much dazed and confused but trying to act as if I have it all together, as I usually do. I have been fairly vocal about feeling overwhelmed but I don’t think they realise how lost I am. Usually this is the time I have a melt down and drive myself crazy asking myself in my head repeatedly, “what have I done?!”, but given my new resolve to see everything positively, I am not panicking yet. I seem to be handling the situation uncharacteristically optimistically and I have to say it feels alright. Maybe there is some truth to this positive thinking crap after all :p. Knowing myself I wouldn’t write off a meltdown just yet. So the status at the moment would be so far, so good – kind of.
It dawned on me today though that this is the first time I am in a company that has a very local culture, despite it being an enormous European MNC. And this has been in culture shock to me, strangely. Of the last 3 places I worked previously, 2 were locally owned and 1 was american. All of them didn’t have a racial mix that was indicative of the national population. They all had very international and racially diverse teams. My new work place though has a very large majority of local chinese (who make up most of the country too). The amount of mandarin used is really instead of English annoying. I can still live with that though. What I am really shocked about is the amount of Singlish (colloquial Singaporean English) used, not just in speaking to one another, but in communication (emails) and presentations to customers. Funnily, HR has told me I need to do a basic English standards test (looks like an Australian post grad degree is not proof enough), yet the level of English being used professionally in the organisation is appalling. For example, this was on one of the presentations that was done to a high profile client – “Which are the special cases require management approval for fast track the process?”. At first I thought it was a typo but then I realised the presentation and all the external communications were full of Singlish and grammatical errors. And they seemed to be tolerated. Some even came from the bosses! I guess I better get used to that too.
In other news, I got asked (again) if I was gay, and if that is why I don’t want to get married. Why don’t people get that A) I don’t need to get married to live life and B) even if I wanted to get married, who the hell am I supposed to get married to? Oh the joy of being 28 and single.
I am a bag of nerves tonight. Hence I decided to write because I am not sure I will be able to sleep. Tomorrow, I am going back into the world of ass kissing corporate culture. Not that there were no corporate politics in my previous organisation, but the culture at that social services place was extremely slack. So yes, I am extremely nervous about the new job and what’s going to happen. I can’t even decide what to wear. And if you don’t already know, being highly introverted, I hate socialising and meet new colleagues/making friends part has what’s gotten me the most stressed out. Lets hope the first week goes okay.
A week or so ago, I read this article about how if you are dining with someone who is overweight you eat more, which in other words is bad for you. I don’t accept the study as conclusive but essentially the results seem to point to one thing, don’t go out and eat with overweight people. Being fat myself, when I read more into the study it basically felt like based on the findings, I should just do my friends/family and the world a favour and just eat all my meals alone. Because life isn’t challenging as a fat person as it is. I am really curious to know what the person that conceptualised this study thought of before undertaking it. There are so many other things/issues that could have been studied but know, the effects of fat people on eating patterns seemed to take priority over those. I am sure that humanity is going to greatly benefit by these findings which just adds to the negativity that overweight people already face.
I just started thinking about it again because over deepavali, one of our neighbours that came to our house for lunch decided to give me advice on my weight. I mean seriously? But I guess that just comes with the territory of being fat, everyone is volunteering dieting tips. Sometimes its really ridiculous. My ex-boss, who was on a low carb diet at the time (low carb but high fat, don’t know how that works out as healthy), told me I was eating too much sugar one morning when I was having breakfast. I was having a fruit salad which consisted of kiwi, orange and grapes. That’s another thing about being overweight, everything you eat is scrutinised. If you eat too little, you are assumed to be watching you eat or on a diet. If you eat too much, you are judged.
Then there’s shopping. Especially in my case where I live in a country where the average size (of a woman) is probably a UK size 6. Shopping here is really a pain for me. It wasn’t so bad in Australia but here if you are over a UK size 12, don’t even bother, just sit at home with a tub of ice cream. I think even size 12s may have issues shopping in Singapore. Okay fine, there are places you can find some clothes but most of the time those stores (overseas brands) are exorbitantly priced. And of course they don’t seem to make gym clothes here at all for fat people. Because we all know overweight people won’t ever need or want to buy clothes to exercise in, right? I am relegated to my old school (secondary school/junior college) P.E. shorts and t-shirts to exercise in. Fun times.
It’s been a challenging day. Well challenging few actually. I have reached some of the lowest of lows, wondering what the hell the point is of this bloody existence. But let’s take a look bad at the positives. I got to bake. Made some cookies and mini cupcakes which was fairly therapeutic. The weather today was good, it rained hence it’s been cooler. Yeah that’s about it.
Tomorrow is a new day though. It’s deepavali in fact. I have a nice new sari to wear and have some old friends coming over. I shall just focus on that.
This week, Hindus worldwide will celebrate a festival called deepavali (or diwali). This post is not about that. While I was out shopping for deepavali decorations with my father, about 2-3 weeks ago, I took this picture (above). I am really proud of the photo, it’s colourful and makes me smile. I feel like it didn’t get enough attention on instagram so I decided to post it here. :D
On a very different, almost opposite note, I came across a quote that caught my attention and wanted to posted it here. (Yes, if you couldn’t tell by my earlier post I am really, extremely, super bored :p).
“I am my heart’s undertaker. Daily I go and retrieve its tattered remains, place them delicately into its little coffin, and bury it in the depths of my memory, only to have to do it all again tomorrow.”— Emilie Autumn
It’s been a quiet weekend so far (it’s only Saturday morning). Not much activity on WhatsApp and other IM-ing apps that I have. Which is making me feel a little alone. To the point I have been messaging old friends to ask how they’ve been. Don’t judge me, I am an introvert but I need a little bit of attention okay? :p Not much response though, so here I am blogging about it. What else can I do? I am probably going to end up having a Tinder relapse and download the app again. Will probably regret doing it but hey, it’ll keep me entertained.
Remember John? Well damn Facebook kept bringing him up the last couple of days, and I have been tirelessly liking his posts like an online stalker. What else can you do when you’re bored and lonely? The thing about me that I have noticed is that whenever I have “a thing” (you can call it crush, being smitten, whatever) for someone, I, for some strange reason turn super aloof around them. Even if we were on friendly terms before, I tend to go into this weird mode where if I see them coming I turn and run the other direction, or contemplate hiding under the table. If I am forced to be around them I make minimal eye contact and barely acknowledge their presence. Why do I do that? I don’t know.
With John though, it was different. I had already made an ass of myself a bunch of times with him around. So I decided to be a little more friendly and sociable. I figured I couldn’t make a bigger fool of myself than I already had, and was a little bolder. Got me to Facebook friend level which I know is not much. I have to say though, at that time, when I saw the friend request, I had pretty much planned our future together, wondering what to name our kids and started dreaming of what my life would be like in Africa. At that stage all I knew was that he was from the continent, wasn’t sure which country (it is Kenya in case anyone is wondering). We could have been so good together. <insert dramatic sigh> :D
Seems to be a theme with me, unrequited feelings. Who knows maybe someday it won’t just be one way. Till then, it’s back to stalking John on Facebook. :p
Who would have thought that a season finale of a reality competition, which was super dramatic and where the team you were rooting for won, could make you feel like almost crying (not happy tears, just to be clear). I love the block, I especially loved this season because for once none of the couples/contestants were super annoying. How could it end on such a low? Damn channel 9, couldn’t you have done anything to make it a happier ending?
P.S. For anyone wondering, it’s an Australian TV show and I am a day late posting this because I only get the show hear a day later.
There was a brief period of time that I had Tinder on my phone. I had heard a few success stories and was bored (okay fine and a bit lonely). It was a useless app. Not to mention horribly superficial. I have to say though, it was kind of entertaining :p. The app pretty much shook my faith in humanity somewhat and well, the hope that I may ever meet a decent man. But that might just be men in general, I shouldn’t blame the app should I?
I was at my cousin’s place yesterday and we started doing buzzfeed quizzes. We started doing those “which character” on whatever show/movies quizzes and guess what? I kept getting characters that died. For example, I got George from Grey’s Anatomy (kind of predicted that one) and Rue from Hunger Games (that one I didn’t see coming). Maybe it’s a sign. I was also pretty accurate in guessing what result my cousin would get. More so than predicting my own results. Maybe I should stop hanging out with her so much. :D Like that’s going to happen.
And finally, I want a laser tag party. I decided that yesterday while I was at another birthday party, thinking about how much I would hate if someone surprised me with such a party. I should do it for my next birthday, it’ll be my 29th, I should celebrate the last year of my twenties right? I think it’ll be fun, just have to work out the logistics and the guest list. I have about 10 and half months to plan so lets see what happens. Oh and of course anyone that reads my blog is invited. :D